my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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