How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
