I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
