You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
