may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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