make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
