So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
