i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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