marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
