When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
