Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize