I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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