lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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