boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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