if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
