perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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