I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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