I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
