I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
