dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The air taste purple.
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