it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
