sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize