I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
