At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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