my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
