Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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