I like my sex mixed with concussions.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
