If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
