I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
