I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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