I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She bit a glass in half.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
