I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm both gender and math confused
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
