You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
