don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
