Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
