im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
