Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
