do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I understand Curling. That high.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
