Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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