We're like a lot better than the average bears
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
