How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
