A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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