well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
