I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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