im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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