News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
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