I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
