Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
