I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Text me some of your sweat
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