Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
