I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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