So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
