My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
