why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize