Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
