Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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