I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize