Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
