i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
