So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
