Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
