Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
