i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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