How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
