So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
