I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
