i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
