Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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