Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
