I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize