first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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