I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
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