Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
