I accidentally had phone sex last night
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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