There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My bed smells like the plague
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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