hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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