There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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