the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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