i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
