I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
