i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
