i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
