So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize