my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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