after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
