I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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